The Never Ending Seclusion

Warning ⚠️ I might complain and whine in this post.

It’s been 9 months and 3 days since my transplant. I was told it would take a year up to 2 years to be well again. Of course being in the midst of it feels like it’s already been that long. I have literally had to deal with one thing to the next. I can think of 2 weeks a couple months ago where I felt great. I made it to church, visited with friends, kept on top of my household duties. I wish I could say it lasted. Enjoy your healthy days, it’s one of the biggest gifts we can have.

I told you all I have been fighting an infection and am now on antibiotics. I finished my first antibiotics and was put on another one that I will be on for the next month. It makes me feel nauseous. It sucks but the infection sucked more. Now since Sunday I have been fighting the flu. Fever, chills, nasty nasty cough, stuffed up nose and extremely fatigued. I think maybe the worse is over but wow it’s kicked my butt. I have hardly gotten out of bed.

This is where I complain. I am tired. I’m tired of being sick. I have been fighting cancer since January of 2017 and I’m quite over it. Yes the cancer is gone and I thank God for that gift. I am grateful for that. Once in awhile I just need to vent. I have missed so many family functions , weddings, turned down invitations. The seclusion feels never ending. It hit me really hard last night as I watched my oldest nephew graduate. I had to watch it on my phone. I cried the whole time. I cried because I was so stinkin proud of the man that he’s become and all his accomplishments. It was a big deal. I also cried because I wasn’t there. I realize you can’t control when you get the flu but it’s the story of my life. I just want my old normal back.

Or maybe I don’t . I guess I’m a sense Cancer made me a better person. I have a more grateful heart, I love so much harder than before, I don’t take anything for granted. My relationships with my family has gotten better. My relationship with my hubby is pretty solid. Most importantly it brought me closer to my loving Father in heaven . I have experienced his love, and grace more than I ever have before. Just 1 year ago a miracle happened. My transplant that wasn’t going to happen, was going to happen. He continues to answer our prayers and I have never felt far away from Him. So I guess I’m actually not secluded. I have everything I need right here in my bedroom.

I will leave you with some photos from the Relay for Life. Thank you everyone who participated in the pouring rain and those who donated. It really meant a lot to me. We won for best team spirit. 😀