What’s New With Tania

Nothing!!!!

That’s exciting, right? The last couple weeks my health has improved after having a nasty flu and infection. I was quite nauseous from some antibiotics I was on but am no longer feeling so crummy.

Our family enjoyed a week long vacation at Mabel Lake with some of our good friends. It was beautiful there as always and the weather was as well.

On the 31st I start my immunizations. Starting with my baby “2” month shots. And on Sept 13 it will be 1 year since transplant. My blood is beautiful right now and I look forward to celebrating this milestone.

I am able to do quite a bit more on the home front. I do get tired quite easily still but I know how to read my body well enough. I am being weened off of cyclosporine ( immune suppressant) and can’t wait to be done with that. I’m getting out more these days. It’s nice to catch up with people.

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer !

The Never Ending Seclusion

Warning ⚠️ I might complain and whine in this post.

It’s been 9 months and 3 days since my transplant. I was told it would take a year up to 2 years to be well again. Of course being in the midst of it feels like it’s already been that long. I have literally had to deal with one thing to the next. I can think of 2 weeks a couple months ago where I felt great. I made it to church, visited with friends, kept on top of my household duties. I wish I could say it lasted. Enjoy your healthy days, it’s one of the biggest gifts we can have.

I told you all I have been fighting an infection and am now on antibiotics. I finished my first antibiotics and was put on another one that I will be on for the next month. It makes me feel nauseous. It sucks but the infection sucked more. Now since Sunday I have been fighting the flu. Fever, chills, nasty nasty cough, stuffed up nose and extremely fatigued. I think maybe the worse is over but wow it’s kicked my butt. I have hardly gotten out of bed.

This is where I complain. I am tired. I’m tired of being sick. I have been fighting cancer since January of 2017 and I’m quite over it. Yes the cancer is gone and I thank God for that gift. I am grateful for that. Once in awhile I just need to vent. I have missed so many family functions , weddings, turned down invitations. The seclusion feels never ending. It hit me really hard last night as I watched my oldest nephew graduate. I had to watch it on my phone. I cried the whole time. I cried because I was so stinkin proud of the man that he’s become and all his accomplishments. It was a big deal. I also cried because I wasn’t there. I realize you can’t control when you get the flu but it’s the story of my life. I just want my old normal back.

Or maybe I don’t . I guess I’m a sense Cancer made me a better person. I have a more grateful heart, I love so much harder than before, I don’t take anything for granted. My relationships with my family has gotten better. My relationship with my hubby is pretty solid. Most importantly it brought me closer to my loving Father in heaven . I have experienced his love, and grace more than I ever have before. Just 1 year ago a miracle happened. My transplant that wasn’t going to happen, was going to happen. He continues to answer our prayers and I have never felt far away from Him. So I guess I’m actually not secluded. I have everything I need right here in my bedroom.

I will leave you with some photos from the Relay for Life. Thank you everyone who participated in the pouring rain and those who donated. It really meant a lot to me. We won for best team spirit. πŸ˜€

Update and Answers

I thought I would let everyone know the mystery has been solved an infection has been found, antibiotics started last night and I’m already starting to feel better. The end of this is in sight and it feels so good! I’m tired of being bored! I’m ready to have fun and live life.

Thank you for your prayers!

Live Your Best Life

I am sick. I am nauseous everyday all day. This started about 4 weeks ago. I had been feeling better then all of a sudden it hit me. We don’t know what’s going on . Could be an infection. Being tested right now. There were no signs of gvhd in my stomach but it could be in my intestines. I still have gvhd in my mouth. I can’t get much done at home. I’m struggling physically. I lost a lot of weight in a very unhealthy manner. I’m not getting enough nutrients. I feel as though I have re torn the artery in my neck and been dealing with neck, face , head nerve pain. Sounds pretty crummy right? It may sound like complaining but I promise you it’s not. Still to this day no matter what the complications I am having are, I am incredibly grateful to be here. I will take the nausea, I will take the infection, I will take the nerve pain.

What is living your best life? I hear this phrase a lot from fellow cancer patients. It’s a reminder that everyday we wake up we need to be grateful. Life is so precious. We only get one life to live. How is it possible to live with the crap we have to deal with and be grateful? Whether it’s cancer or infertility or autoimmune disease or headaches, depression we all struggle in some way. Yes I had a pretty serious illness and almost died . Not gonna lie it was a wake up call. But why does it need to get to that? Why do we need a wake up call to live our best life? The Lord could decide tomorrow is your last day without an illness or warning. Are we grateful for His gifts, for feelings, for pain. We should be because it means we are alive. The gift of life is so precious so live your best life. In all circumstances. Look at the stars, look at creation, look at your children, smell the flowers. Life is beautiful.

And remember, pray! We can’t do all this in our own. β€οΈπŸ™πŸΌ ( and donate blood πŸ˜€)

Back to Daycare

I was hoping I wouldn’t have to write that but unfortunately my body is giving me some trouble. They are doing a stomach scope tomorrow and putting me back on prednisone πŸ˜•. So my round face will probably come back. I have gvhd in my mouth and they think the stomach as well.

I was given fluids today. My creatinine is high . The doc is attributing that to the higher dose of cyclosporine and the fact that I can’t keep up my fluids. The weakness in my body is back too. To the point I almost need a walker again.

But I am happy! The sun is shining down on us, I got to watch Gavin kill it in triple jump and like I always say, I am alive. So health setbacks or not I will keep reminding myself of the gift that God has given me. Here’s a pic with my babies on Mother’s Day.

Special Days

Everyday I try to see the beauty no matter what the situation is that I am in. I am very grateful for each and everyday that’s God has given to me. Some days are hard. I wonder why did I fight to be part of a life that has so much sorrow. Whether it’s on the news or in my church community or in our home. Life has a lot of downs. But everyday there is also something beautiful and good that happens. Sometimes our own sorrow or depression can cloud our view of the joy surrounding us.

I feel things now like I’m hypersensitive to it. Every beautiful thing like a wedding, or a birthday, or a sporting event. Just looking around Gods creation and watching the birds and seeing mountains and greenery. Feeling the sun kiss my face. I’m not supposed to be in the sun but today I felt like I really needed it.

Yesterday Gavin celebrated his 16th birthday. I can’t believe that I have been a Mom for that long. I took Gavin to get his learners license and when he passed and we sat back down in the car it hit me, I got to witness this. I got to be here to say happy birthday Gavin. Yes I got emotional. We take so many things for granted but it’s important to be thankful for everyday and every gift from above.

I was also able to attend a track meet this past week. I love watching my kids do the things they love. I was there cheering them on. What a blessing! You all might think I’m crazy but this time last year I had to tell my kids that I was probably not going to make it. There was no donor due to my antibodies and they weren’t going to do anymore chemo. You guys I feel like I have been given a second chance at life. I’m sad that it took almost dying to get me to this place.

Remember we don’t know the day or moment we will pass but we do know that everyday is a gift and we should live to be thankful and joyful for the time we have here on earth.

I am not saying that I am perfect. Things are tough at times but I do try and I think God has opened my eyes to a new view. Being told your going to die is a feeling like no other. Especially at 34. I have bad days still . The last week I haven’t been well but being able to be home with my family and hearing “I love you” from them means life is beautiful. Being able to cry and pray and let all my fears and upsets on God is also a beautiful thing even if it’s not happy. I have a loving Father in Heaven who I can talk to whenever I want. God sent Jesus to save us and that my friends, is the icing on the cake. He chose me. I have so much to be thankful for.

So on those special days, I will cry my happy thankful tears .

Names

FRANK

MIKE

LEAH ( late 30’s early 30’s)

DAVE

UNCLE ROGER

JANET ( unknown whether she has past yet)

AARON (36 years young)

These are some of the names of people I know who lost their life to leukemia. All except for Dave and Roger died in the last few months.

GRETA- died of breast cancer

UNCLE GILLES- died if prostrate cancer

Too many people lose their lives from this horrible disease.

COLETTE

ELSA

KRISSY

MR. Bergsma

JULIA

NEIL

And so many more!

These people are still fighting. Fighting hard to fight Cancer. Please pray for them and their families. Pray for those who could be facing a new diagnosis of Cancer.

TANIA

HEATHER

MYKAYLA

MICHELLE

CANDY

and many more…

KICKED CANCER TO THE CURB!!!

So what’s my point in all this? This is how many people off the top of my head that I know have been affected by cancer. Each day is still a fight for some of us even without cancer in our bodies. Thanks to places like the BC cancer agency women get free wigs, a pampering day to make you feel better, free counseling for families affected by cancer. Donations made it possible that while in hospital I had a nurse pretty well at my side within seconds of me ringing them. The donations made it so instead of 1 nurse for 5-8 patients , it was 1 nurse for every 2-3 patients. Kids with cancer get to go to camp. And most importantly research can be done to open new doors and save more lives. Thanks to God first but thanks to research I am alive today . I AM ALIVE! Wow is God ever good.

So why don’t you join us at relay for life in Langley this year. June 8th . Tania’s troopers will be there for their second year and this time its a celebration! Last year was so much fun. Please remember to register if you are coming. Here’s the link Relay . If you can’t make it , please consider a donation. Thanks for reading. Here’s some pics from last year.

How Am I?

I have been getting a lot of messages from people asking how I’m doing. I guess that means it’s time for an update.

A couple weeks ago I had an appointment with my main doc. She was happy with the way things were going. Rash is looking a bit better. She stopped my steroids and started to lower my cyclosporine. Not much, as this will take time to get weened off of.

Things seemed to be going well. The rash got a bit worse and I had to stop light therapy to see if it is actually an allergy to the lights. I think it might be . My hands are covered . It’s really uncomfortable. On top of that my bones started hurting. I am not sure if this is a reaction to lowering meds or if its related to psoriasis. You can get something called psoriatic arthritis but with everything I’ve been through , it’s a guessing game until my next appointment.

I have been trying to get out a bit more. I made it to Madison and Gavin’s first track meet. Went to church , did some visiting. At the moment I am struggling with stomach pain but hopefully it will pass soon.

Aaron hurt his back at work and is in pretty rough shape. I’m hoping he takes a couple days off to rest. We are It day by day here. Don’t expect a clean house . Speaking of which, I’m looking for someone to come in and wash all the mold from my window sills . If you know a reasonable company please let me know. πŸ˜€

Here’s some pics of the last couple weeks.

getting hair !!!

First in long jump. Both Kids did really well at this event.

Rash 😞

Guarding his new toy. Don’t worry , I saved the snake.

Now What?

This past week has been a bit bittersweet. My trifusion line came out on Thursday. I have had a line of some sort in me since January 25th of 2017. It feels like I am missing a bone. Here’s what my line looked like if you see the little peach looking thing, that’s what adhered to my flesh, the rest was inside my vein.

So this was a huge milestone. On Tuesday before I had my line pulled I was told that once my line was out there was no reason for me to go back to daycare. I have gone to daycare 1-5 times a week since I started this journey. It caught me off guard. I felt a whole lot of things in that moment, sad, happy, excited, unsure. I will miss the nurses but I will especially miss Dr.Tejpar. She has been such an amazing support and encourager to me. She helped get me through some of my toughest battles and even listened to me when I made suggestions . She always said I was made of titanium abs when she heard the song by Sia come on the radio she always

thinks if me. Sigh…. I will miss her terribly . 😒 She’s retiring at the end of May and I am so glad that it is after I have left and not before. She will be someone I will never forget. Sniff sniff.

So also with my line being pulled I can FINALLY say goodbye to daltaparin shots every night. Yay!!!!!! A year of poking my belly was way too long for me. My hematologist said I have to take aspirin forever and there’s no need to go back to her. That’s another part closed.

So now what?

I have an appointment on Tuesday with my doc in charge. I think the plan is to still go see her in long term care once a month. I imagine the steroids will be stopped and cyclosporine ( immune suppressant) will be tapered. I will have to do blood work every week but can do it locally.

On top of that we returned all the borrowed gear to the Red Cross. No more walker. I still get dizzy but it’s not as bad. If I get tired , I find a seat. If I get dizzy, I find an arm to hold on to.

Many have asked how I’ve been feeling. I feel my self getting stronger. I’m able to do a bit more . It’s a slow process but it is happening. I went and did groceries yesterday and it felt like I ran a marathon. The nausea seems to have settled. I lost some weight so I imagine it will come back now. Lol unfortunately I am still dealing with psoriasis but it’s not life threatening. Therefore I try not to complain. I am currently still cancer free. Praying it stays this way.

One thing I won’t miss is finding out friends from the clinic have passed away. It takes a toll on your heart. I am overwhelmed his horrible leukaemia is. It kills so many people. Many don’t make it. It’s sad. I’m grateful to my Heavenly Father for sparing me so far.

On a family note , my mom and I will miss our weekly drives to Vancouver. I’m sure we can find better things to do 😊. Aaron’s truck broke down so we bought a new to us car. A 2006 Malibu. Its actually my first car. When I got my licence I had Gavin already so just went straight to a van.

I was able to also witness my good friend Mel marry her hunny. I was so thankful to be there. The next day we went out to the keg with some friends ( my tummy acted up and I didn’t end up ordering, so bummed). Here’s me and Aaron beforehand. This is also probably the last time I will ever have to wear a wig 🀞.

One more exciting thing. Our youngest received a big award from hockey. It’s an award of great honor and basically represents respect, good attitude, sportsmanship, leadership, skill. Gavin received this award in grade 6 and now Brandon. I asked if he told his teacher the next day and he said bragging isn’t good mom. And that’s exactly the attitude that got him that award. But I still want to share it. He had said probably 100 times that he can’t believe he got the Gerry Pol award.

I’m proud of my little man. He earned it. He’s an great kid.

Anyways if you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read it all. Until next time.